Linda Loftin

I Am Callng Youuuu-ou-ou!

In Uncategorized on July 25, 2011 at 10:33 pm

It’s apparent that God has called just about every Republican in the presidential race this year and has urged them to run. Rick Perry is coyly hinting that he is getting stronger and stronger signals all the time on his God hotline so he will soon be in the race. Michelle Bachmann, Herman Cain, and Tim Pawlenty have all been personally advised by God to run for president. Rich Santorum was called but one wonders if God speaks to Catholics, or only to Protestant evangelicals. Can God endorse Catholics as well as Protestants? I was a youngster when John F. Kennedy was running and back then all the grown-ups were scared that the Pope was going really be the one running the country. I was scared that I’d have to end up having to eat fish sticks every Friday. I’m betting that even today, your average Protestant evangelical doesn’t believe Catholics are on the way to heaven.
Mitt Romney has also alluded to a special calling but Fox News doubts this. One of their anchors has announced that Mormons aren’t Christian at all. I suppose that means that he’s lying about his calling, because we know Fox News doesn’t lie.
How did Barack Obama get elected without a God endorsement? I guess it just goes to show that the lack of a heavenly nod isn’t what it used to be in the days of Noah and Moses. Back then God had some real clout and when he told you to do something and you did it, you got rewarded with dry land and the Ten Commandants. Today, you get less than 20% in the polls, unless you are Mitt, who has surprisingly high percentages considering that funny underwear and all.
Does all this God endorsing of Republicans mean that God has changed his mind about the things he asked his son to relay about assisting the sick, and how the poor were going to inherit the earth? Since this crop of Republicans refuse to have anything to do with health care for all, and certainly don’t want the wealthy to have to pay another penny of taxes in order to save programs that benefit the poor and elderly, it appears that God has turned Republican on us! I suppose God can change his mind. He seems to have done enough of that when the harshness of the Old Testament turned into the love fest of the New Testament. Now, two thousand years after Jesus tossed the money lenders out of the Temple, God has seen the error of his ways and now bankers are some of His best buddies. These days, God won’t even issue His special cell phone number to a Democrat, so we really should be getting the hint that we are no longer the chosen ones. Brotherly love, charity, and mercy are out in 2011. These days the rewards go to the rich who get richer. Did even one greedy Wall Street executive serve time in prison? Of course not; what he got was a fat year-end bonus. That should prove my point.
I’ve seen the light and will promptly change my party affiliation. I’ll get one of those special transmitters that comes with the party of God so I’ll know what I’m supposed to write about here next time. Stay tuned! In the mean time, if you see any poor, downtrodden, unemployed, or any of the other “least of these” please just push them aside. They might have been part of the “in crowd” two thousand years ago, but we know who is favored these days.

PS: Listen to Slim Whitman’s yodeling version of “I am Calling You” on You-Tube. I promise that you will have a heavenly feeling after that calling.

  1. Tammy Faye Baker would do a fine rendition of “I am calling You.” If Jim had followed his God calling he could be running too. Pity. Would have been a great addition to the race. I would watch ALL of the debates.

    So much truth in humor. Thank you for the great laugh!

  2. I love your idea! If you lived near me we could collaberate on a blog!

  3. That would be great fun! Wonder how many readers are familiar with Slim Whitman – I recalled the song instantly and vividly. Made me laugh out loud!

  4. Love it haven’t laughed this hard in agreement in awhile!

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